Liturgy of the People

Each week, our churches gather for liturgy. Liturgy is a greek word often translated as “work of the people.” It is what you and I do, in public service, to worship God. In the Episcopal Church, this service almost is always Eucharist or Communion. At the end of the service, we the people, are dismissed to go out into the world and serve. At our church our general dismissal is “Go in peace to love and serve the Lord.” After that, we walk out into the world. This week, we find ourselves in a perpetual state of going out into the world.

Those of us who are in a liturgical tradition of Episcopal, Roman Catholic, Lutheran and others, know that our service of Holy Communion takes on a very structured and familiar form. As we are experiencing social distancing from COVID-19, many churches have been canceled. Some are online. Many people have chosen to self isolate. For many in our communities, this will be the first time in many years that they have missed the opportunity to celebrate in public worship.

I encourage everyone to find an online community on Sunday. Saint Andrews will be live casting at 10:00am, EST from https://www.facebook.com/standrewsptc/. The National Cathedral will also have services at 11:15, EST from https://cathedral.org/worship/weekly-services/. There are great opportunities online to gather and pray the Daily Office (Episcopal Daily Prayers together) each day throughout the week.

In addition to watching worship online, this week gives us an amazing opportunity to think about why we worship the way we worship. Although, we might not be together, we can spend some time thinking about how and why we worship. Often, as we take a break from things, we find that they are missed with sweet sadness. For families at home, this week can offer an excellent opportunity for some home based teaching around our worship rituals. For those missing communion, it is also helpful to remember we are one body in Christ in the world. Although our worship might look different this week, we still find the presence of God all around us.

Included are some ways in which we might remember that God connects us and that our corporate worship, while missed, will return.

WELCOMING GOD
Our service begins with welcoming God into our presence in music as we carry symbols of Christ into our space. How might you bring symbols of God into your home? *Light a candle
*Draw a cross
*Gather things which remind you of the Holy into one special place in your house
*Set aside a special worship space or altar in your home 
*Find signs of presence of God outside and bring them inside.

We say a prayer welcoming God into our hearts and use a song of praise.
*Practice ways of welcoming God into your heart. Listen quietly for sounds of God.
*What is your favorite song of praise? Play it online.
*Look around your home, what are visible signs that remind you that God’s presence is constantly there?

GOD’S WORD & RESPONSE
We listen to God’s word. Readings for this week can be found at -https://www.lectionarypage.net/YearA_RCL/Lent/ALent3_RCL.html

*A great way to engage in conversation of the gospel is to use African Bible Study.
1. Read the passage slowly. Think of a thought word, or image that occurs to you. If you are with family, or friends, say your word aloud.
2. Read the passage again. Listen for why the thought, word, or phrase touched your life in this moment. If with family or friends, share why it touched you.
3. Read the passage one last time. Ask, what is this passage calling me to do? If you are with family or friends, share your action aloud.

*Respond with art. Pick one of the readings for Sunday and spend some time drawing, painting, or sculpting what it means for you.

PRAYERS
We pray for those in our midst and around the world.
*Pray your parish prayer list
*Write your own special prayer for those suffering from COVID-19 and for medical professionals
*Start an individual or family prayer list
*Doodle names of those you are praying for and add artwork
*Write prayers for neighbors in side-walk chalk outside
*Spend some time journaling your own prayers and then share them with a friend or family member.

PRAYER OF CONFESSION AND PEACE

We confess our sins to God and receive peace. 
*Call or send a note to someone you have been meaning to reconcile with.
*Write your confession to God.
*Set a timer for one minute (or longer), sit in silence. Breathe deep. Recognize the peace God offers inside of you.

OFFERING
During the offering we offer our lives and all that we do to God.
*Visit www.standrews316.org to make an offering gift.
*Make a commitment to offer to God this week your time, talent, and treasure. If you are with family, brainstorm how you might serve God together. Is there an elderly neighbor that might need a grocery run? Are there people who might be isolated that need a phone call? Do you know of people who might not be able to have food? Is there a family in your neighborhood who might need help with childcare? Are there people who could use an email card? This week gives us so many opportunities to be Christ to our neighbors in so many ways.

EUCHARIST
The term Eucharist means, to give thanks. We give thanks for all that God gave for us.
*Make a list of as many thanksgivings as possible.
*Make a thanksgiving paper chain and add to it throughout the week.
*Walk throughout the house, being mindful of all that God has given you
*Take time to commune with nature, go on a nature walk and remember that God is all around.
*Call or text those who you are thankful for.

SING US OUT

Having learned a lot, we close in song to take us into the world. 

*Having read the scriptures, are there songs that remind you of them? Look them up on the internet?
*What is a song you know that reminds you to go with God into the world?
*What is your favorite church song you miss? Look it up online.

DISMISSAL
We go in peace to love and serve the Lord.
*As you go through the week, where do you notice the presence of Christ in the world around you? How will you continue to be Christ’s hands and feet in the world?

Wishing you a beautiful week, full of signs of God’s presence all around. May you find the interconnectedness of Spirit, Christ's oneness, and the water of life wherever you may be.

To the Emery's & All Holy Families

What kind of family do you want to become?

On Sunday, we will celebrate the First Sunday after the Epiphany. The Sunday is celebrated as the Feast of the Holy Family and as the Baptism of our Lord. As we celebrate this Sunday, I am mindful of all the images of the Holy Family. Having just finished Christmas, we can freshly remember the scenes. We remember the plastic, wooden, and porcelain creches at home and at church. We remember the rogue sheep, wandering child star, and the off centered halo from the Children’s Pageant. We can still remember the scene of all of us gathered to pay homage to the newborn king. We remember the Holy Family gathered lovingly under stars as folks came to visit them - angels, archangels, shepherds, wise men, family guests, visitors from near and far. We remember how we gathered together with them on Christmas. All of us young and old, heavenly and earthly, wise and common, magi and shepherd, male and female, ancient and new, white and black, new friends and strangers, conservative and liberal. We remember in that moment of Christmas how the roof of that Creche held all of the created world under it. And, how, in that moment the whole world was united as family under the Prince of Peace. No one in a nativity scene is ever looking anywhere other than towards a God of love represented in the form of a baby.

It is through Christ we are united. It is through Christ we become siblings in a family of love. When I was growing up, our church’s tag line was “First Christian Church: A Family of Faith.” Today, I find myself thinking about the profound ability we have to choose what kind of family we wish to be. How we can make the decisions to turn our focus inward towards the Prince of Peace or outward towards a world of chaos, anxiety, stress, and stuff that doesn’t much matter. We have the tremendous choice and ability to shape our lives to focus on Jesus peace and love.

The gift of Holy Family is a tremendous gift. In families biological, social, and church we are given a profound gift to help the world heal.

In our church year today, we celebrate a family who continues to help the world heal one hundred years after their presence with us. Today, we celebrate the life of Julia Chester Emery (1852-1922). Julia fell in line after her sister as the second Secretary of the National Women’s Auxiliary, now known as the Episcopal Church Women (ECW). She founded the United Thank Offering (UTO) which is still a tremendous ministry one hundred years later. Julia did amazing things. However, she is rarely mentioned without the rest of her family. Her two brothers who were priests. Her sister Helen who started a hospitality home. Her other sister Mary, who started the ECW as mentioned above. The whole family together leaves an extraordinary legacy of Christ’s love and service. What kinds of focus did that family have towards the Prince of Peace that they left such an amazing legacy? What was their home life like? Their spiritual life like? Their daily prayer life like? We don’t know, but I imagine most of them had their attention focused on Jesus with the intensity of a Christmas Nativity scene.

Last Sunday, we baptized infant Claire into our community. The day was filled with love and joy. As our prayer book reminds us, “Holy Baptism is the sacrament by which God adopts us as his children and makes us members of Christ’s Body, the church, and inheritors of the kingdom of God.” (BCP, 858). It is also that by which we take up Christ’s ministry in the world. As we baptized Claire, we welcomed her into our own Holy Family and into the greater scene of that Holy Family gathered with the baby Jesus, common shepherds, wise magi, humans and angels, old and young, and all those who gathered before us and around us. We promised to help her grow into her life with Christ and be her holy siblings.

As we go throughout our days, there are so many choices we have about how to be. As we journey away from the manger and out into the world, where will our focus be? Will we remember the sweet baby? How we were all gathered under the Prince of Peace? Will we remember that heaven and earth stopped to adore love incarnate? Will we be distracted by all kinds of things in the things in the world as we travel home by another road? In the example of the Emery’s, I pray we will remember to focus on the Christ. I pray we will be a Family of Faith. I pray we leave a lasting impact that heals the world forever.

For more information on Julia Chester Emery - http://www.satucket.com/lectionary/Julia_Chester_Emery.htm

Listen Up!

On Sunday at Saint Andrew’s, David, a member of our Stewardship Team talked about the power of listening to God’s still, small voice. He mentioned the many times in his life when he has heard God’s voice directing him which ways to go and which ways not to go. And how, when he follows that voice, it always leads to great and wonderful things for his life.

Those of us on a spiritual journey know what that sort of discernment looks like in our own lives. The feelings, nudgings, voices, dreams, and wonderings that cause us to follow the voice within. A still, small voice that says, “Talk to that person.” A good nudging that says, “Move to this new town.” A powerful moment when we feel pulled to a new job, community organization, or task. It is in these times we lean into the still, small voice within. We learn to trust what the Spirit is asking us to do. We learn to lean into the wonderful promise of life, wholeness, joy, and fulfillment that the Spirit has for us.

This season at Saint Andrew’s we are using Prayer form VI from the Book of Common Prayer. The last line of that prayer is, “Lord, let your loving kindness be upon them; who put their trust in you.” Leaning into that still, small voice is just one way we learn to trust in God. And every single time we do it, we seem to discover more and more kindness of the Divine.

Yesterday, was the feast day of Elizabeth and Zechariah. We know the story presented in Luke 1. If there were ever people who were able to lean into God’s still, small voice within and trust God, we believe it would have been them. If there was anyone who lived in the spirited joy of God, we would have expected it to be them. Scripture tells us they lived a godly, holy, and righteous life. He was a priest. They prayed, followed the commandments, and lived blamelessly. They were good people who went to church a lot. And yet, despite doing all the right things they were unable to have children.

As Zechariah was always in church, he found himself doing his normal priestly job one day. I’m sure Zechariah had fired the incense up more times than he could count. It is reminiscent of our routines - the hundreds of times we have shown up to church to clean the altar, or set up for Sunday, or count money, or practice our guitar solo; or our daily routines of morning prayer, yoga, meditation, and nature walks. Jeremiah had done this task thousands of times. It was a normal day. Like most of us, he probably would have considered it a blessed day if he heard a still, small voice inside. And yet, on this day, God makes Godself known in extraordinarily powerful ways. This day’s voice is not still and small. Instead, it is a full angel who is standing in the presence of God and who is a direct conduit communicating directly from God to Zechariah. And, the message the angel has for them is beyond belief, beyond anything Zechariah or Elizabeth could have asked or imagined.

Not only will Zechariah and Elizabeth have a son, which will fill them with joy and gladness, but that son will be filled with the Holy Spirit, return people to a relationship with God, become a great leader, and prepare people to hear the good news of God. I’d say that is a great, wonderful, and amazing thing! It is beyond their wildest imaginations.

That’s how God’s vision for our lives always works. As we say in morning prayer, “Glory to God whose power, working within us, can do infinitely more than we can ask or imagine. Glory to him from generation to generation in the Church, and in Christ Jesus for ever and ever” (Ephesians 3:20). God certainly did more than Zechariah and Elizabeth asked or imagined, God certainly spoke in ways which were new, different, and powerful - ways that they had not heard before. 

So, if you find yourself listening to the still, small voices, if you find yourself learning how to discern and trust in God a little more each day, be watchful! For it is highly possible that God is about to show up in ways beyond imagination to surprise us, to startle us, to direct us, to speak to us, and to bring us joy and gladness. Friends, go forth to listen!

Retiring to Purpose

What are you retiring to? A few years ago, I had the great pleasure of working with a colleague who always asked this question of those who were about to retire. He never asked, “What are you retiring from?” He always asked, “What are you retiring to?” It is an important question.

At one point in our lives we all need to retire. In its root form, the French word means to retreat or withdrawal. Depending on our life circumstances withdrawing looks different. For some of us this means paid job responsibilities at age 65. Others of us need to retire to our couches to take an afternoon nap, or take an actual sabbath one day a week, or spend time daily resting in God’s presence. But we all need to retire.

Retiring has a way of making us more focused on the work that we have to do. Today our community remembered Vida Dutton Scudder - educator, peace maker, and social advocate. You can read more about Vida here.  Vida was born in India to Christian parents in 1861. Later she was confirmed as an Epsicopalian. She was a good student. She loved English Literature and had a profound love for God. Her education, spirituality, and advocate spirit led her to do many great things. However, at age forty Vida found herself broken down and in the middle of a mental crisis because she had taken on so much. She was tired, broken, and ended up taking two years off of life.

I have a feeling we relate to Vida. We try our best to balance jobs, work, family, spirituality, our sense of purpose in the world, and daily tasks. We often feel like we have too much. We often feel as if we need to retreat. Vida knew she had taken on too much. So, she retired at forty for two years. She healed and she came back stronger than ever. She started countless support groups for women, immigrants, and union workers. She became a pacifist during World War I. At a normal age, she took real retirement. And then, she authored sixteen books on spirituality and social consciousness.

Vida knew about the importance of rest and retreat. She knew that the more we find holy rest, the more we come back empowered and renewed to the work that we are called to do. Those who practice Eastern religion have a wonderful word - Dharma. The word has meaning meanings, but one of them is the actions of living rightly so that one might fulfill the purposes of the divine in their life. As we are all different, we as individuals, are the only ones who can decide what that purpose is. As Christians, we might translate Dharma as vocation. We recognize that at our baptism we were called into the ministry of Christ and that God has gifted us with unique gifts that allow us to do God’s work in the world. Using those gifts is our vocation.

Often our daily lives get busy. We forget that in the midst of the chaos, todo lists, appointments, and tasks that we have a life’s calling to fulfill. Returning to God through rest, retirement, respite, and retreat refocuses our energies reminding us that we are called to do God’s work in the world. No matter how busted we are retiring and retreating has a way of rejuvenating and energizing us for the work ahead.

May we follow the example of Vida Dutton Scudder and retire greatly, redirect ourselves, and then get back out there to love and serve the Lord and do the work we are called to do.

Good luck ya’ll. Get to retiring.

Only Two People

Years ago I was on retreat at the Abbey of Gethsemani when I was approached by a Cistercian Monk named Brother Renee in the hallway. When a monk has taken a vow of silence and when you find yourself in a space that has “Silence spoken here” and “Please be silent” written at every turn, it is odd to be approached for casual conversation by a old monk with a cane. It must have been important.

“Amanda?” Brother Renee asked.

“Yes, you are correct, my name is Amanda. Good to see you Brother Renee.”

“Amanda,” he said. “What would Jesus say, if I took this cane and hit you on the head?”

“I honestly have no idea,” I replied.

“He would ask me, why did you just hit ME on the head? Dear Amanda, on the day I entered this abbey, the abbot told me I would only find two people here. Myself, and Jesus. To this day, I have never met anyone else.”

And with that, Brother Renee returned to silence and continued his walk. Leaving me with the profound thought - in life we only meet two people, ourselves, and God in our midst.

At Saint Andrew’s we are celebrating fifty days of Easter, the days between Easter Sunday and the fiftieth day after Easter, Pentecost. During this time our community is reading stories about how the Risen Lord shows up. On Wednesday, we read Mark’s version. In Mark 16, Jesus appears first to Mary Magdalene as she was grieving, then to two disciples as they were walking on the road, then to the apostles as they sat down to dinner. All of these are mundanely ordinary experiences. While we often expect the Risen Christ to show up on mountain tops, church camps, fancy retreats, religious pilgrimages, and in splendid Cathedrals, this passage of Mark reminds us Jesus shows up in the overtly normal things we do every day. While we are in grief, while we walk, while we eat, while we talk amongst friends, Jesus shows up.

Jesus shows up when two or three gather in his name. Each Wednesday and Sunday, our community gathers to give thanks and to take in the body and blood of Christ. As we meet at the altar of the Lord, we consume all of Christ’s goodness, mercy, and grace in the form of a small wafer, the bread of heaven. As such, each of us are filled up with a little bit of the Risen Lord, each of us become more and more filled with the power of Christ.

That means, that when we return to our seats, we hold Christ within us. We hold Christ within us, and the neighbor sitting next to us holds Christ within them. If we open ourselves up to them by introducing ourselves, by inviting them to tell us their story, by being brave enough to listen, by dining with them, by sharing our grief with them, by simply living the normal everyday life stuff with them, the Risen Christ becomes present.

Brother Renee was right, in church and in the world, we only find two people - ourselves and Christ.

After Jesus rose early on the first day of the week, he appeared first to Mary Magdalene, from whom he had cast out seven demons. She went out and told those who had been with him, while they were mourning and weeping. But when they heard that he was alive and had been seen by her, they would not believe it. After this he appeared in another form to two of them, as they were walking into the country. And they went back and told the rest, but they did not believe them. Later he appeared to the eleven themselves as they were sitting at the table; and he upbraided them for their lack of faith and stubbornness, because they had not believed those who saw him after he had risen. And he said to them, "Go into all the world and proclaim the good news to the whole creation." And they went out and proclaimed the good news everywhere, while the Lord worked with them and confirmed the message by the signs that accompanied it. - Mark 16: 9-15, 20

May we see Christ. May we proclaim boldly the good news everywhere, while the Lord works with us daily to confirm the message of grace and love.

Greetings. Do Not Be Afraid!

One of the things I strive to do constantly is check my fear. I am always telling myself things like, “Don’t react in fear,” Or, “Amanda, don’t make a fear based decision.” In observing my own life, and the life of many religious communities, I find that there is rarely any good outcome that comes from a fear based decision. And yet, I find myself having to check my fear daily, primarily because I am not very good about not living in it.

Myself and many of whom I work with are lucky enough in life that we can chose to not live in fear. For us, not living in fear is a privileged choice. We are housed, we are fed, we are relatively safe. And yet, fear creeps in to all sorts of parts of our lives causing us to chose things which are not always life-giving. We fear we will not have enough, so we hold on to money, possessions, and things. We fear we will be not be accepted, and do all sorts of things to our bodies for reasons that do not ever lead to wholeness. We fear we will lose everything if our particulate candidate does not get voted into office. We fear no one will love us and go to ridiculous lengths to prove ourselves. We fear because the news media and advertising industry tell us to be afraid. We fear for no rational reason, but we fear.

In this season of Easter our community is focusing on the ways the Risen Lord showed himself to the Disciples. I am mindful of how many times the Risen Christ shows up and asks his follower to not be afraid. In Matthew’s account, the Marys arrive at the tomb to experience an earthquake and angel descending from heaven. The sight frightens the guards. They seize up and become “liked dead men.” But an angel appears and says to the women, “Do not be afraid.” When Jesus shows up in Matthew’s account he says to the women, “Do not be afraid.” (Matthew 28: 1-10). In Mark’s gospel the risen Lord says, “Do not be alarmed” (Mark 16:6). In Luke and John Jesus shows up with the words, “Peace be with you” (Luke 24:36, John 20:21, 29). Wherever the Risen Lord shows up, he reminds us to breathe deep peace and to live without fear.

Where Jesus is there is peace. Where Jesus is there is a voice that says, “Do not fear.” For those of us with our basic needs met, fear is a pretty good indication that we may not be aligning ourselves with that which is holy. Fear calls us away from that which is life-giving, abundant, and whole and into that dark place where we believe things are dying and resources are scarce. Living more fully into our fear we go inward, believing we are doing what is best to preserve ourselves, often without regard for the greater world around us or for God’s call for our lives.

Matthew 28 is a good case in point. While Jesus is calling to the women to be at peace and to not be afraid, those religious leaders who sought to kill Jesus the first time are falling back into their fear based traps. Those who love Jesus are learning not to live in fear, while those who are seeking to destroy Jesus just keep driving and living into it. They begin paying off people to be quiet, telling them to lie about the resurrection. They strike fear into their employees, saying that if they do not lie, the governor will be angry. Just like the first time around, everyone is afraid of Jesus and everyone is acting in fear. That is what living into fear often does, it puts us in the position of those who are trying to kill Jesus. It puts us in a position to kill the voice of Jesus within our lives.

In his book The Wounded Healer, Henri Nouwen offers the following story about a fear based decision -

One day a young fugitive, trying to hide himself from the enemy, entered a small village. The people were kind to him and offered him a place to stay. But when the soldiers who sought the fugitive asked where he was hiding, everyone became very fearful. The soldiers threatened to burn the village and kill every man in it unless the young man were handed over to them before dawn. The people went to the minister and asked him what to do. The minister, torn between handing over the boy to the enemy or having his people killed, withdrew to his room and read his Bible, hoping to find an answer before dawn. After many hours, in the early morning his eyes fell on these words: “It is better that one man dies than that the whole people be lost.”

Then the minister closed the Bible, called the soldiers and told them where the boy was hidden. After the soldiers led the fugitive away to be killed, there was a feast in the village because the minister had saved the lives of the people. But the minister did not celebrate. Overcome with a deep sense of sadness, he remained in his room. That night an angel came to him and asked, “What have you done?” He said: “I handed over the fugitive to the enemy.” Then the angel said: “But don’t you know that you have handed over the Messiah?” “How could I know?” the minister replied anxiously. Then the angel said: “If, instead of reading your Bible, you had visited this young man just once and looked into his eyes, you would have known.”*

So often our fear keeps us from seeing the risen Christ amongst us. Rather than being open with our fears and turning to God and community for help, we often turn inward believing we have the best answers to protect ourselves.

In this Easter Season may we have the courage to look outward. The courage to be in conversation and community. May we breathe deep peace. May we not be afraid. And may our eyes and ears be open to seeing the signs of the Risen Lord among us. The same Risen Lord who always breathes peace in the midst of fear and says to us, “Greetings. Do not be afraid.”

*Nouwen, Henri J. M. The Wounded Healer: Ministry in Contemporary Society. London: Darton, Longman & Todd, 1994.

Fully Seen and Fully Known

This week, I watched this video about Community First! Village in Austin, Texas. Community First! Village is a 51-acre planned community for the chronically homeless. It provides permanent housing, job opportunities, arts, support groups, medical services, and education for its residents. At the core of Community First! Village is, as the name might suggest, community.

The three minute video features testimony from the founder Alan Graham, and formerly homeless, now permanent resident, Richard Devore. Graham speaks on the power of relationship. He states, “Mobile Loaves and Fishes is laser focused on lifting the chronically homeless… into a place they can call home.. It is all about relationship here. [The residents] are going to see people at the kitchen, at the community market spending time with each other… building community through valuing each other as human beings.” For Graham, the success of the housing community has relationships at the core. Hence, the name, Community First! Village. As he states, each of us desires to be seen: “In each of us there are two fundamental human desires: to be fully and wholly loved, and to be fully and wholly known.”

The community strategy seems to be working! Resident Richard Devore states that being seen as a whole person is a path towards healing. We do as a society, have a tendency to see only one aspect of a person - skin color, addiction, sexuality. And as with so many of our marginalized friends, I imagine Richard’s experience of being homeless, left him feeling like he was only seen as a homeless person, and not as “Richard.” As he says, “Here they are really trying to bring you together. They don’t make you feel like you are a homeless charity case being helped out. We are just treated like normal people and I mean that certainly helped me change a lot.” Seeing Richard as an integral part of the community, in all the roles that he plays, as a full person seems to not only be allowing him to heal, to find permanent housing, but also seems to be allowing him to thrive and grow.

In our readings for Wednesday, we read Acts 3:1-10 which also speaks to being fully seen and known. In that story, Peter and John were going up to the temple for prayer when they ran into a man who had not ever been able to walk. Everyday he had folk bring him to the temple so that he could beg for money. When the man saw Peter and John he approached them, just as he approached everyone else, with a request for money. The text says, “Peter looked intently at him, as did John, and said, ‘Look at us.’ And he fixed his attention on them, expecting to receive something from them. But Peter said, ‘I have no silver or gold, but what I have I give you; in the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, stand up and walk.’ And he took him by the right hand and raised him up; and immediately his feet and ankles were made strong” (Acts 3:4-7, NRSV). Christ’s healing was activated by the two parties looking into one another’s eyes and seeing each other.

As Jesus saw the Samaritan woman at the well and knew everything about her (John 4), as the residents at the Community First! see one another and know one another, Peter and John heal a man simply by looking at him and saying, “Look at us.” To see each other is to know each other and heal one another. These are examples of being fully and wholly loved, and fully and wholly known.

In the season of Easter, our community is reaffirming our baptismal vows. As part of those vows, we affirm that we will seek and serve Christ in all persons, and love our neighbor as ourselves. And, that we will strive for justice and peace among all people, respecting the dignity of every human being. As we do so, we are promising to see. To see, to respect, to fully know and to full love those which cross our paths each day. And as we do so, I believe we tap into Jesus’ healing power. The power of Community First!, the power of the living water, the power of disciples who can heal.

Basking in the Light

On Monday, I traveled in a car with a Republican, an Independent, a Democrat, and other people whose political affiliation I don’t even know. If pushed, one of us would have claimed Libertarian and another one of us Socialist. The youngest of us was twelve. The oldest of us was in their 40s. We were united by one goal: THE LINE OF TOTALITY.

None of us had ever seen a total eclipse. Our hometown was scheduled to experience 98% coverage and we were skeptical of driving two and a half hours to see totality. Nevertheless, we persisted, without a plan. We knew we wanted the longest possible full-coverage view without driving more than three hours, or getting stuck on an interstate. So we took off driving to Tennessee as one of us navigated the back roads of pig paths (a term I was unfamiliar with). When we got close to the line of totality, we saw a sign for a state park and pulled over. The state park was full, we were redirected to the overflow, a podunk air strip in the middle of somewhere Teneesee.

There we set up make-shift camp with 300 strangers. 100 of them had flown in on private jets. Some of them were in beat up, barely running pickups. There were pregnant women, there were newborns, there were those at the end of their life. There were Kentuckians, Tennesseans, Northerners, and Southerners.

And it was safe. The entry to the airfield was marked by make-shift plastic with a handwritten sign and a volunteer asking people not to walk out on the airtsrip if they didn’t have a plane. The twelve-year olds roamed free while interviewing folk for their YouTube Channel. There was no chain-link, razor-wire, armed guards, or riot gear. We were just there, one humanity, to experience together the extraordinary gift that Mother Nature was about to offer.

I’ve seen a lot of natural phenomena in my life. Moonbows, moon rises, sunrises, sunsets, dust storms, canyons, waterfalls, and all that God’s creation has to offer. None of it compares to a total eclipse.

At 1:31, the sky went completely dark. Folks took off their glasses and looked at the sun with naked eyes. There were oohs, ahhs, gasps, yells, tears, cries, yelps, and silence. The sight was so breathtaking, that hundreds of people let out emotion in whatever way they felt led, and they did so without judgement. For two minutes and thirty-one seconds we stood together. There was no male, female, black, white, or brown. There was no rich or poor, alt-right or alt-left, there was no straight, gay, transgendered, or bisexual, pro-choice, or pro-life.There was no Christian, no Atheist, No Muslim. There was just humanity, basking in the presence of an inexplicable phenomenon which caused the day to be night, and the sun to be viewed with the naked eye, and a 360 degree panoramic sunset of extraordinary and unbelievable colors.

On the ride home, we seemed changed. We seemed different. No one commented on the National Guardsperson, was a National Guardswoman, or the fact that she was clearly born in a country other than America. No one mentioned the transgendered woman and her partner who were in the car next to us. No one wondered what life on a private jet was like. Or, why the family next to us didn’t have enough funds to buy a car that like it ran. Despite our age, we spoke the same language of music. We listened to a podcast on breathe and life together. We tried, unsuccessfully, to explain our experience.

This Sunday, in the Episcopal Church, we will pray a prayer that says, “Grant, O merciful God that your church, being gathered together in unity by your Holy Spirit, may show forth your power among all peoples, to the glory of your Name.” For those of us studying Track 2, we will read the words from Isaiah 51, “Look to the rock from which you were hewn, and to the quarry from which you were dug.” They are deep words that remind us we were all created from one place, one rock, one earth.

For just a moment on Monday, we were gathered in unity. We remembered we were all hewn from the same rock. We sat in awe, united by the beauty of creation. I pray we have the courage to stand in the light and remember in the days to come.

Dear Muslims, Immigrants, and Airport Detainees,

I have a message about salvation in Jesus Christ. If you have lived in the United States for any period of time, you have probably received a lot of those messages. However, this one is not about your salvation, it is about mine.

This morning, I read Matthew 5:1-12 to my congregation. It is the beginning of the Sermon on the Mount, a collection of Jesus’ teachings. It begins,

When Jesus saw the crowds, he went up the mountain; and after he sat down, his disciples came to him. Then he began to speak, and taught them, saying:“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled. Blessed are the merciful, for they will receive mercy. Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God. Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are you when people revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

As I sit in the safe comfort of my warm apartment, I realize this is not a message for me. This is a message for you. This is a message for those of you who have traveled from war-torn homelands to create a better life and have nothing left but a few bags, faith, and hope. May you know the Kingdom of Heaven is with you, that God is with you. This is a message for you who mourn the loss of everything you knew - your home, your families, your village. May you be comforted. This is for you who hunger and thirst for a better way, a newer life, a life filled with hope, love, joy, life, and opportunity. May you be filled. This is for you, who have been persecuted in this country, who have been given sideways glances, who have been told to go home to a place which is not your home. May you know that God’s kingdom belongs to you. This scripture is for those of you who have been singled out, bullied, and had nasty things said you. This is for you who have stood up and offered words of mercy, forgiveness and kindness even in the midst of your struggle to be heard as true Americans. The mercy of God is with you.

This scripture is for you. As a priest in Christ’s church I bless you and say to you, “May the Lord bless you and keep you, may the Lord’s face shine upon you and be gracious to you, may the Lord turn his face upon you and give you peace, and may the blessing of God be with you this day and always.” I want to bless you and I want to thank you.

One of the most popular teachings of the Christian faith is the Good Samaritan found in Luke 10:29-37. The story is about a man who walked from one city to another in his own country. While in transit he was robbed, stripped of clothing, beaten, and left for dead. One would assume someone would have come to the rescue. The priest walked by and didn’t help. A man of the same religious upbringing walked by and didn’t help. But the Samaritan, the foreigner, the person not welcome in the man’s country stopped, saved the man, took care of him, and showed him mercy. The story ends with Jesus’ question, “Which of these three, was a neighbor?” and the answer, “The one who showed him mercy.”

We often forget that this story comes to teach us about who is our neighbor. Even those in our society who do not claim to be Christian can state the Golden Rule, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” This is the preface for the Good Samaritan. Right before the story of the Good Samaritan we read this -

Just then a lawyer stood up to test Jesus.* ‘Teacher,’ he said, ‘what must I do to inherit eternal life?’ He said to him, ‘What is written in the law? What do you read there?’ He answered, ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind; and your neighbour as yourself.’ And he said to him, ‘You have given the right answer; do this, and you will live.’

But wanting to justify himself, he asked Jesus, ‘And who is my neighbor?’ Jesus replied, ‘A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, and fell into the hands of robbers, who stripped him, beat him, and went away, leaving him half dead. -Luke 10:25-30.

It is Jesus way of telling us everyone is our neighbor, that you are our neighbor, and that you have lessons to teach us about the way in which we are saved. So, today, I want to thank you for the ways in which you have taught me about my salvation in the last few weeks.

1. You have shown mercy. Despite insults thrown at you for wearing your hijabs in public, despite having your family detained at airports, despite being asked to “go home” (even though you were born here), you have responded with mercy, kindness, and understanding. Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy.

2. You are peacemakers. Time and time again, you have boldly stood between hundreds of people who do not understand you and proclaimed that being a Muslim is not the same as being a jihadist, that being a Muslim is not the same as being a part of ISIS. Time and time again, you have composed yourself, rid yourself of anger, and shown us what true peace looks like. Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.

3. You are pure in heart. You pray for forgiveness, guidance, and peace FIVE TIMES A DAY. Enough said. Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.

You are my neighbor, my friend, my Samaritan, and the one who reminds me how to act out the sermon on the Mount. I’m thankful for your witness and your blessing.

Peace,
Amanda

What Would Jesus Vote?

So many times in our Christian life hot button topics of abortion and same-sex marriage monopolize our voting agenda.The way in which we vote for or against same-sex marriage or abortion involves deep wrestling with our relationship with a divine creator and the world around us. And, yet, these are not the only agenda items we have Christian obligation to vote for or against. As Christians, this makes voting complicated. There may not be a perfect candidate for all our values. But there are agendas, laws, and candidates within our cities, states, and nations which may better reflect those things we value because of our faith in Christ.

In the Gospel of Luke, after Jesus has returned from hanging out with the devil in the wilderness, Jesus walks into the synagogue, full up on Holy Spirit and gives his mission statement for his ministry. Quoting Isaiah 61 he boldly proclaims the words - “The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he has anointed me to bring good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim release to the captives and recovery of sight to the blind, to let the oppressed go free, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.” (Luke 4:18-19). For the rest of his ministry we see Jesus practicing this mission statement. As followers of Christ, we seek to pattern our lives by his example. So here are some issues Jesus would have voted for (not including same-sex marriage or abortion).

Jesus would have voted…

#1. AGAINST FEAR. I am told that “do not fear” appears 365 times in the Bible. Miraculously, one for everyday of the week. While I have not counted myself, I do know, “do not fear” comes up a lot in my own readings. This year, our church is reading Luke and I am struck over and over again by how many times Jesus says “Do not be Afraid.” When angels appear to Zechariah, Mary, and the Shepherds, the Lord says “Do not be afraid.” When the fisherman are called to be disciples the Lord says, “Do not be afraid.” When the Disciples are stuck on a stormy boat at sea, “Do not be afraid.” Even when it looks like an impending political situation would cause death, Jesus tells the disciples to not fear. Jesus votes against fear.

#2.FOR GOOD NEWS TO THE POOR. If there is one thing the Bible speaks about more than being fearless, it is the treatment of the poor. Jesus was sent to give good news to the poor, and part of that good news was encouraging those of us who have to share with those who do not have. Jesus calls us to sell what we have and give to the poor, reminds us that the kingdom of God belongs to the poor, and tells us crazy things like it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than a rich person to enter the kingdom of heaven. Jesus calls and encourages us to share and distribute our possessions to the poor. It is a non-negotiable value within Christ’s mission statement. Closing education gaps in poor school districts? Absolutely! Changing the tax system so that it favors the poor over the rich? Yep. Jesus would vote for the poor.

#3. FOR RECOVERY OF SIGHT TO THE BLIND AND HEALING FOR ALL. Have you ever noticed how Jesus isn’t picky about who he heals? If you read through the gospels you get a sense of Jesus’ universal healing nature. People who talk smack about him, get healed. People who no one else wanted to touch or pay attention to, get healed. Hated tax collectors, get healed. Alleged prostitutes and women, get healed. Even the Centurion's son, get’s healed. Jesus is not picky about who gets healed and he didn’t ask for an insurance card. Could Jesus be the first proponent of universal healthcare? Jesus votes for health.

#4. FOR RELEASE OF THE CAPTIVES. When Jesus quotes from Isaiah 61, about “the year of the Lord’s favor” he is calling us into the Year of Jubilee. A year of ultimate Sabbath to be held every 49 years when debts are forgiven, slaves are returned to their homes, and even the land is released from the burden that it carries. The year of the Lord’s favor, calls each of us to question how, why, and how long our judicial system incarcerates. It also calls us to remember that our land and natural resources need a rest from the way in which we hold them in captivity. Jesus votes pro-environment, for the prisoners, and proclaims the Lord’s favor on all.

#5. FOR THE REFUGEE. Remember how Jesus and his family fled from their country of origin to escape religious and political persecution from a horrible King Herod? Or that verse about how I was naked and you clothed me, a stranger and you invited me in? Yes to those who need housing! Yes to those who need clothes! Yes to those who need a place to lay their head! Yes to the stranger among our midst!

#6. FOR RESPECT FOR PEOPLE. Most people know at least four great Jesus stories - The birth narrative, the resurrection story, the Prodigal Son, and the Good Samaritan. You know the Good Samaritan - the story where the man from Jerusalem was traveling in his own country and was beat up, robbed, and left in a ditch to die. And the people who were expected to save him, the priest and levite who belonged to the man’s religious tradition, didn’t touch him. They walked on by. But the Samaritan, the guy who no one liked, the guy with questionable religious practices, the foreigner who knew no one, was moved with pity and stopped and helped the man. That story starts with Jesus reminding us of the two greatest commandments - to love God with all our heart, soul, mind and strength and to love our neighbor as ourselves. This is Jesus telling us a story about how the person we are least likely to perceive as our neighbor is actually the one we need to love most deeply. Jesus votes for those who are different than us, nationally and religiously. Jesus votes for respect and dignity for all neighbors, even those we don’t view as neighborly.

#7. WHEN THEY GO LOW, WE GO HIGH. I am not going to argue whether or not this is happening in this election. But, I will say, this sounds like something Jesus would say. In fact, this is something Jesus said. “‘But I say to you that listen, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you. If anyone strikes you on the cheek, offer the other also; and from anyone who takes away your coat do not withhold even your shirt. Give to everyone who begs from you; and if anyone takes away your goods, do not ask for them again. Do to others as you would have them do to you.” (Luke 6:27-31).


Pray. Vote. Discern. Go out on November 8th. Read your papers, do the research and let your vote reflect the values and beliefs you hold dear. In prayer and discernment, may we commend ourselves, one another, our vote, and all our life, to Christ our God.

Helpful Prayers for Election Day.

Almighty God, to whom we must account for all our powers and privileges: Guide the people of the United States in the election of officials and representatives; that, by faithful administration and wise laws, the rights of all may be protected and our nation be enabled to fulfill your purposes; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen. (Book of Common Prayer, p. 822).

O Lord our Governor, whose glory is in all the world: We commend this nation to your merciful care, that, being guided by your Providence, we may dwell secure in thy peace. Grant to the President of the United States, the Governor of this State/Commonwealth, and to all in authority, wisdom and strength to know and to do thy will. Fill them with the love of truth and righteousness, and make them ever mindful of their calling to serve this people in thy fear; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, world without end. Amen. (Book of Common Prayer, p. 820).

Almighty God our heavenly Father, guide the nations of the world into the way of justice and truth, and establish among them that peace which is the fruit of righteousness, that they may become the kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Amen. (Book of Common Prayer, p. 816).

News from the Tomb

If you ask me where I’ve been, I’ll tell you, “In the tomb.”

My amateur blogging career is sporadic at best. I started blogging as part of a 2013 New Year’s Resolution. My resolution was to blog at least once a month and only blog if I actually had something worth reading. That lasted a few months, then life got hard and I went underground. Then life got really, really hard and went to the tomb.

I went to the tomb the day my marriage surprisingly and suddenly ended. I went into the tomb the day my life partner of nine-years left, the day my hope for a family died, the day my life as I knew it died. I went and crawled up next to a dead Jesus, cried, and died myself.

My faith died in that tomb. Who I thought I was as a wife died in that tomb. My hopes and dreams died in that tomb. A life I had spent my adulthood building died in that tomb. My closest friendships died in that tomb. And I spent months, depressed, sleeping, crying in that tomb. Some days, Jesus and I talked, but most of the time, things were just dead. I spent a lot of time in bed and I spent a lot of time staring at a blank wall in my therapist’s office - which, incidentally, is painted tomb-color.

For those of you following the RCL readings for Holy Week, you will know that on Tuesday, we read these words from the Gospel of John, Chapter 12.

Jesus said, “The hour has come for the Son of Man to be glorified. Very truly, I tell you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains just a single grain; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. Those who love their life lose it, and those who hate their life in this world will keep it for eternal life. Whoever serves me must follow me, and where I am, there will my servant be also.

-John 12: 23-26, NRSV

Earlier this week, my therapist and I met to bury my marriage. We gathered on the outskirts of the cemetery, thirty-feet away from tombstones which read, “Love always” and “Together Forever” and “Love Endures.” I could have closed my eyes and thrown a rock and hit engraved, intertwined wedding bands on a tombstone in whatever direction I chose. Even the “Lovins” were buried within our line of vision. I can't make this stuff up.

I sat on cold dark earth with a shovel in my hand overlooking a valley filled with wind-blown, winter cemetery trash and dead trees not-quite-yet budding blooms of spring. My therapist said some words. I looked at her and said, “This is ridiculous.. Are we in a Lifetime movie?”

And then, I started weeding. Tearing out the way in which things terribly and tragically ended. Throwing out unwanted trash of the dark pieces of my soul. Remembering how I was uprooted. Destroying the shame of being divorced. Digging out the ways I was made to feel responsible. And I dug and dug deeper and deeper into my anger, sadness, grief, fear, and darkness.

I planted a bulb. A dormant vine of hope in the middle of a hopeless winter. A seed which contained beauty and love. A seed which remembered laughter, love, joy, and life; a seed that is laughter, love, joy, and life; a seed that will be laughter, love, joy, and life.  And I gave thanks for all the ways my marriage held laughter, love, joy, and life. For my current relationships of laughter, love, joy, and life. And for the ways I hope to find those relationships in the future.

I buried the bulb. Amidst dark earth I buried the anger, sadness, grief, fear, and darkness I had just un-dug. I prayed with all my heart, that in the depth of that large, recently dug hole, new life would sprout forth again for both myself and my former husband.

I watered. I poured clean water over the sins of the past. I washed away hatred. I asked for forgiveness. And I looked forward to spring - new life, new growth, new beauty.

It no longer felt like a Lifetime movie, it felt real. And I thought, “That Jesus, he really knew what he was talking about.” He knew what he was talking about when he said, “Very truly, I tell you, unless a grain of wheat falls to the earth and dies, it remains just a single grain; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. Those who love their life lose it, and those who hate their life this world will keep it for eternal life. Whoever serves me must follow me, and where I am, there my servant will be also.”

Easter is on it’s way. New life, resurrection, are on their way. I know because I’ve seen Jesus in the tomb. But I also know, he didn’t stay there for long and he didn’t allow me to stay there for long.  I know because I've been there and I believe. I believe in Jesus Christ who suffered under Pontius Pilate, was crucified, died and buried. Who descended into the dead. On the third day he rose again, and is seated at the right hand of the Father. I believe in the Holy Spirit, the holy catholic church, the forgiveness of sin, the resurrection of the body, and life everlasting.

If you need proof, there’s a vine on the outside of a cemetery about to sprout up. The packaging on the bulb said, “Guaranteed.”

Today is not about MY family

Dear Mass Media,

Today is not about MY family. Today, for the first time in my life, I find myself watching television on Christmas. As I watch commercial after commercial, you say, "the holidays are all about family." The commercials are followed by beautiful stories of families reunited after prison, illness, and living far away. The implication is that Christmas is about my family. 

American media, you are wrong. For the first time in thirty-six years, I have come to the realization that Christmas is not about MY family. It is Christmas Day. I have no husband because he walked out on me. I am not surrounded by nieces, nephews, and countless loving in-laws. My sisters are in two different cities. Today, my mother and I have taken shifts with my dying grandmother. My family life feels destroyed, in shambles, and turned upside down. 

And yet, last night, despite MY family, Christ was born. Because this is where Chris is born - into messiness and brokenness instead of picture perfectness. He is born in a barn instead of a clean hotel. He is born into the literal feces of our mucked up lives. He comes to comfort those who mourn, feed those who are hungry, and to release the captive. He comes to bring peace, love, honor, wonder and hope. In a world where we are often hard on ourselves and others, he is born an infant of sweet tenderness. 

I am not saying Christ is not present in a perfect family picture, gathered around a table of ham. Christ always gathers where people call on his name. However, if we think Christmas is about OUR family instead of THE family, we may miss the point.

Sent from my iPhone

Puppy Crying: Christian or Southern Behavior?

An inter-web confession: I dropped a puppy and I feel awful.

Last Sunday, after I was leaving church a beautiful couple was walking through our parish parking lot. In tow, they had a six week old puppy. I love puppies! Who doesn’t? In the midst of striking up conversation, I crouched on the ground, distractedly playing with the puppy. They asked if I wanted to pick the puppy up. Of course I wanted to pick the puppy up. So I did. We chatted. And then, I dropped the puppy. In reality, the puppy preformed a dare-devil leap out of my arms, but it felt like I dropped the puppy.

The puppy hurt. It laid on the ground it cried. I felt terrible. The couple tried to calm me down, explaining that it had performed similar feats for others. They would use ice. It would be okay. But I left wondering what damage I had done – Would the puppy recover? Had it had a concussion? Would it have some sort of brain injury? There was no blood, but that puppy fell four feet and it was ugly.

We are not puppies. Unlike that precious puppy, who only had the vocabulary of whimpering, we have words to articulate the ugliness of our pain. We can say where exactly the pain is, what feelings it brings up, and what damage has been done. Although we may not be able to articulate all of that all of the time, we can, for the most part, articulate some of that some of the time. Over and over again this week, I have been confronted with the pain we have caused others and the pain we ourselves feel from the actions of others.

What is surprising to me is that we don’t often use our words. Just like the whimpering puppy, we often do not share outside our inner groaning. Sometimes the pain is too deep, sometimes we ignore it, sometimes we choose not to articulate it. I was reminded this week, by Kay Collier McLaughlin (Deputy for Communications and Leadership Development in our Diocese), that expressing our feelings of hurt is CHRISTIAN behavior. Often, in the South, we confuse being nice with being Christian. This is not always the case. Jesus, who we believe to be our ultimate example, used his words and actions to tell people he was angry when the temple had become a “den of robbers” instead of a “house of prayer” (Matthew 21). When the people of Israel were impatient from waiting too long on Moses, and God, they made a golden calf instead, and God expressed anger (Exodus 32). When the king threw a great wedding banquet and sent his servants out to invite people, his servants were seized, mistreated and killed. And the king was enraged (Matthew 22). Over and over again, scripture gives us examples of how we, God, and Jesus may express anger, hurt, and sadness to those who cause us pain. It doesn’t sound Southern, but it might sound Christian.

I am surprised that in nine full-time church ministry years, very few people have approached me to say, “When you did X, I felt angry.” In nine years of ministry, it would be impossible for me to think that I have not unintentionally hurt anyone. If I can unintentionally drop a puppy on one Sunday, I know I have unintentionally dropped numerous human feelings. Those conversations would not surprise me, and I would welcome them in order to reconcile people to me and towards God. I would treasure those conversations because they would give me an opportunity to grow, to become a better person, and to be closer to the person God desires me to be. If we don’t state our feelings, we don’t give the other person the opportunity to change.

God has gifted us a wonderful vocabulary of feeling words to express our pain. Psychology has given us wonderful tools to express those in ways without further hurt to our neighbor. Anyone, who has ever met with a counselor, knows how to use I statements. “When you did X, I felt Y.” God has given us permission to feel, psychology an example of how to state those feelings. Using a statement which owns your feelings without placing all the blame on the other person, is the perfect medium between Christian truth and Southern nicety. May you and I use our vocabulary for reconciliation, to make the world a better place, and to live into the people we are constantly being created to be.

And for all the dropped puppies out there, I am sorry. I truly am.

_______

Further reading: Kay Collier McLaughlin, Becoming the Transformative Church: Beyond Sacred Cows, Fantasies, and Fears (New York: Morehouse, 2013). 

God's Healing is Yellow

Many moons ago, I had a particular experience in ministry that was particularly hurtful to me. It is not important what the exact experience was. What is important is how God’s grace healed me.

For years, I carried around what I call hurtful experience. It ate at me. It poisoned me. I was not able to let it go. In early December 2013, I made a conscious decision to let it go. I prayed, I discerned, but it would not go away. I tried my best to release hurtful experience on the Zumba dance floor. To no avail, I ended up with a debilitating, slow-healing, painful case of tendentious of the hip. Like Jacob wrestling with God in the Jabbok, I was wrestling with God over letting hurtful experience go, and I would not get up until God gave God’s blessing.

December, February, March, and April I wrestled with God, hurting hip and all. At the end of April, I attended retreat with female ministers sponsored by the Kentucky Council of Churches with funds provided by the Lilly Foundation. It was during this retreat, my wrestling ended and my hip was healed.

The purpose of the grant funds were to ensure that ministers were taking care of themselves by receiving hospitality and healing through peer groups. As givers of constant hospitality and healing, ministers do not often allow themselves spaces of grace, or finances to treat themselves to instances of hospitality. And so, off to the spa our group went.

Laying on the massage table, the therapist begins to vigorously work my hip. It hurts. It hurts like hell. I want to scream, but there is a colleague receiving a massage next to me, so I do not. A tear falls to the ground. The therapist continues to push. And as she pushes, the Spirit says to me- “Let it go. Let the hurtful experience go. Another tear.

She pushes more and more, and I start to let it out. The therapist moves down my leg, and as she does, I see a vision. A vision of myself, standing in a large open field. The field is full of yellow flowers. Janquils, yellow rod, daises, speckle the spring green grass. A bubbling spring runs behind me with clear water. It is peaceful. The sun is shining down upon me. I am ultimately, blissfully happy. I am dancing, twirling in a circle with a wide smile, holding a yellow flower.

The music in the spa changes. It is a rendition of “It is Well with my Soul.” My heart sings –

When peace like a river attendeth my soul

When sorrows like sea billows roll

 Whatever my lot, though has taught me to say

 It is well, it is well with my soul.

Thanks be to God, I feel well for the first time in months. It is gone, hurtful experience  is gone.

The vision continues. The dream calls me to the water behind me. It calls me to write hurtful experience on a piece of paper and float it down the river.  So, in my dream, I do. And as that paper floats away, so do the years of anger, contempt, and struggle. The music in the spa changes,

When I find myself in times of trouble,

Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be
And in my hour of darkness
She is standing right in front of me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be

And when the broken hearted people
Living in the world agree
There will be an answer, let it be
For though they may be parted
There is still a chance that they will see
There will be an answer, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Yeah there will be an answer, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.
     

Five days after the celebration of Jesus resurrection, I sit, naked under my own shroud. Like the tomb, the spa is dark. Like Jesus’ broken body, I am draped in white cloth. 
            But Lord, tis for thee, thy coming we wait

            The sky not the grave is our goal.

            Oh trump of the angel, oh voice of the Lord

            Blessed hope, it is well with my soul.

Like the excitement of the Disciple’s who do not find Jesus in the tomb, I am ecstatic. Naked before God, I want to run, skip, jump through the fields praising God’s healing power. Like the man at the pool of Bethzada, I am ready to stand up and walk.

            And the Lord haste the day when my faith shall be sight

            The clouds be rolled back as a scroll

            The trump shall resound and the Lord shall descend

            Even so, It is well with my soul.

I am ready to rise, yet I cannot. I sit. Stunned by amazing grace. I cannot move. Tears flow, tears of joy and more joy. Tears of a new baptism, a remembrance of my calling as a minister to Christ’s church. Tears that I am God’s beloved child. And so I lay, peaceful. Non-moving, unable to arise from my state of new birth, enjoying the warmth of my burial shroud. Let it be.

 Later that afternoon, our group returns to our cabin. I already know that God plans my afternoon for more quiet. Members of my group go to take naps and prayer time. I walk. Carrying a journal, prayer book, and my colored pencils in hand, I travel away from our cabin. This is a new place for me, I’ve never ventured there before. But I have the sense, in God’s providence, there is a stream, and yellow flowers. I follow a stream to a large field. It is a baseball field, not a meadow. There are no yellow flowers, but is close enough.

I sit. I write. I write about “It is Well” and “Let it be.” I draw my vision – yellow flowers, me dancing, sun shining, the stream behind me. When I am finished, I write hurtful experience on a piece of paper. I walk over to the stream and I drop it in.

At first  hurtful experience moves slowly. It stops and pools. Then, it begins to run quickly over rapids. Like a child, I follow it with joy. Like an adult, I follow it pensively. My anger towards hurtful experience has become such a defining factor for my life, it feels like I am letting go all of me. Again, the paper floats slowly, then more rapids. I run, but I am blocked from its sight by a group of trees. When I reach the other side, the paper is gone – swallowed by deep cleansing waters.

            It is gone. I am not sure I am ready for hurtful experience to be gone, but it is gone. I thank God – for helping me to let go of the anger, the resentment, the unkind words, the hateful feelings I have towards the people involved in the hurtful experience.  I say goodbye, and I give thanks to God for healing. And, then, I see them! A great bunch of yellow daises growing between two rocks, planted directly between my two feet. Yellow flowers, given to me, on this day, by God, just for me.

I turn to walk back to the cabin. It is the field of my vision. Not visible before on my walk down, but everywhere on my return to the cabin – yellow flowers. Daises, natural violets, goldenrod, dandelions. Flowers everywhere, and they are all yellow. Thanks be to God, they are all yellow!

Art credits to Cliff Sullivan, Lexington, Kentucky. The picture does not do the painting justice. https://www.facebook.com/pages/Cliffs-Art/131025403608120

I Believe in All That Is, Seen and Unseen.

“We believe in one God,
the Father, the Almighty,
 maker of heaven and earth,
of all that is, seen and unseen.” – Nicene Creed

In light of yesterday’s Ham-Nye debate, I offer a personal story.

I grind my teeth at night. To prevent damage, I wear a bite-guard – similar to a retainer. Last night, after brushing my teeth, I realized I had not returned it to the proper place. It was missing. I searched the house, every room, long and hard. I prayed the St. Anthony prayer. No avail. I slept poorly without a bite-guard and woke up with a headache.  

This morning, I woke up early, determined to find it. I tore the house apart – high and low, room to room. I moved couch cushions and emptied drawers. I even began to sweep! Finally, I gave up.

A bit of background: We are the second owners of a house built in the late 50’s. Prior to our living here, the previous owner, Miriam, died in the house. I never knew her, but since the day we moved in I have felt her presence in this house. She is kind and loving, and a bit set in her ways. We know that she was an excellent house keeper, so she is always both intimidating and pushing me to clean.  My husband thinks I am crazy.

This morning, as I was giving up, I had a conversation with Miriam. It went something like this… “Miriam, I love your house. I know I am not a good house keeper, but we do the best to keep it as clean as we can. We are having a great time here. I am missing a bite-guard and I have looked everywhere. I’ve been through every room. As soon as I got up this morning, I sifted through a beer soaked recycle bin (which should have given you a good laugh). I’m about to go through the trash. The trash is really gross because we had a Super Bowl party the other night. If you are to blame for this, I am starting to get mad at you. So, you can laugh at me while I am going through the trash, or you can help me out.” I took one last look around the house and then dug out the trash.

I dug through the first layer of yesterday’s vegetable peels, through the second layer of beer soaked party napkins and down to the third layer of old coffee grinds. FYI, two-day old coffee grinds are REALLY disgusting.  Half way through the bag and hands covered in grinds, I said, “Miriam, seriously, this is gross.” On my next handful of coffee grinds, my eye caught my bite guard to the right!  Safe outside the trash, half-way visible in a fold of a towel on our kitchen towel rack.

I’m not advocating for white Casper-like spirits. I do not know if Miriam and I had a connection this morning or not, but I have worked in the church far too long to rule out things unseen. I have listened to too many first count experiences of dreams, visions, conversations and coincidences with parishioners’ friends and family who they love but see no longer. I too, have had my own experiences, beyond Miraim , of dreams and visions of those who are no longer with us in living, physical form. I don’t know how the afterlife is real, or what it looks like, but I know it exists.

I must confess, I did not spend time watching the entire 2.5 hour Nye-Ham debate.  I don’t know that I will ever give it 150 minutes of my life. But I have been on social media and CNN enough this morning to realize that Nye’s arguments for creation sound a lot more like my faith than Ham’s. There is extreme beauty within the mystery of earth’s formation.  Not knowing how atoms were formed or how they came into being, resonates with my belief in God as beautiful and mysterious creator, of whom, I would like to more about but of who I will never know completely how or why. Not needing to have a step by step explanation for how consciousness was transferred into matter, gives my heart room to wonder. If we do not know how consciousness is held within matter, is there consciousness outside of matter? Could there be? Could that be God?  Could God’s consciousness somehow be transferable and inside me? I sure hope so! Could consciousness somehow change the physical matter of plain bread into something sacred and beyond ourselves? 

There are many things I do not understand, yet they exist. I don’t fully understand how this computer works, but I trust it. I certainly do not understand how this blog is transferred to you by 1's and 0's, but you are reading. I do not fully understand how my car works, but I drive it. I don't remember the chemical reaction for yeast. I do not fully understand how my body keeps breathing, but it does. And for all of the cars, computers, and hearts there are millions more things beyond me that I cannot see, do not understand and have never experienced. And I believe that computers, cars, heartbeats and interwebs are just a tiny spec of the iceberg on adventures into the unseen. 

Big and small, I put my trust in mysteries every day. I believe in big mysteries. I believe in Bill. I believe in the unseen.