Only Two People

Years ago I was on retreat at the Abbey of Gethsemani when I was approached by a Cistercian Monk named Brother Renee in the hallway. When a monk has taken a vow of silence and when you find yourself in a space that has “Silence spoken here” and “Please be silent” written at every turn, it is odd to be approached for casual conversation by a old monk with a cane. It must have been important.

“Amanda?” Brother Renee asked.

“Yes, you are correct, my name is Amanda. Good to see you Brother Renee.”

“Amanda,” he said. “What would Jesus say, if I took this cane and hit you on the head?”

“I honestly have no idea,” I replied.

“He would ask me, why did you just hit ME on the head? Dear Amanda, on the day I entered this abbey, the abbot told me I would only find two people here. Myself, and Jesus. To this day, I have never met anyone else.”

And with that, Brother Renee returned to silence and continued his walk. Leaving me with the profound thought - in life we only meet two people, ourselves, and God in our midst.

At Saint Andrew’s we are celebrating fifty days of Easter, the days between Easter Sunday and the fiftieth day after Easter, Pentecost. During this time our community is reading stories about how the Risen Lord shows up. On Wednesday, we read Mark’s version. In Mark 16, Jesus appears first to Mary Magdalene as she was grieving, then to two disciples as they were walking on the road, then to the apostles as they sat down to dinner. All of these are mundanely ordinary experiences. While we often expect the Risen Christ to show up on mountain tops, church camps, fancy retreats, religious pilgrimages, and in splendid Cathedrals, this passage of Mark reminds us Jesus shows up in the overtly normal things we do every day. While we are in grief, while we walk, while we eat, while we talk amongst friends, Jesus shows up.

Jesus shows up when two or three gather in his name. Each Wednesday and Sunday, our community gathers to give thanks and to take in the body and blood of Christ. As we meet at the altar of the Lord, we consume all of Christ’s goodness, mercy, and grace in the form of a small wafer, the bread of heaven. As such, each of us are filled up with a little bit of the Risen Lord, each of us become more and more filled with the power of Christ.

That means, that when we return to our seats, we hold Christ within us. We hold Christ within us, and the neighbor sitting next to us holds Christ within them. If we open ourselves up to them by introducing ourselves, by inviting them to tell us their story, by being brave enough to listen, by dining with them, by sharing our grief with them, by simply living the normal everyday life stuff with them, the Risen Christ becomes present.

Brother Renee was right, in church and in the world, we only find two people - ourselves and Christ.

After Jesus rose early on the first day of the week, he appeared first to Mary Magdalene, from whom he had cast out seven demons. She went out and told those who had been with him, while they were mourning and weeping. But when they heard that he was alive and had been seen by her, they would not believe it. After this he appeared in another form to two of them, as they were walking into the country. And they went back and told the rest, but they did not believe them. Later he appeared to the eleven themselves as they were sitting at the table; and he upbraided them for their lack of faith and stubbornness, because they had not believed those who saw him after he had risen. And he said to them, "Go into all the world and proclaim the good news to the whole creation." And they went out and proclaimed the good news everywhere, while the Lord worked with them and confirmed the message by the signs that accompanied it. - Mark 16: 9-15, 20

May we see Christ. May we proclaim boldly the good news everywhere, while the Lord works with us daily to confirm the message of grace and love.

Greetings. Do Not Be Afraid!

One of the things I strive to do constantly is check my fear. I am always telling myself things like, “Don’t react in fear,” Or, “Amanda, don’t make a fear based decision.” In observing my own life, and the life of many religious communities, I find that there is rarely any good outcome that comes from a fear based decision. And yet, I find myself having to check my fear daily, primarily because I am not very good about not living in it.

Myself and many of whom I work with are lucky enough in life that we can chose to not live in fear. For us, not living in fear is a privileged choice. We are housed, we are fed, we are relatively safe. And yet, fear creeps in to all sorts of parts of our lives causing us to chose things which are not always life-giving. We fear we will not have enough, so we hold on to money, possessions, and things. We fear we will be not be accepted, and do all sorts of things to our bodies for reasons that do not ever lead to wholeness. We fear we will lose everything if our particulate candidate does not get voted into office. We fear no one will love us and go to ridiculous lengths to prove ourselves. We fear because the news media and advertising industry tell us to be afraid. We fear for no rational reason, but we fear.

In this season of Easter our community is focusing on the ways the Risen Lord showed himself to the Disciples. I am mindful of how many times the Risen Christ shows up and asks his follower to not be afraid. In Matthew’s account, the Marys arrive at the tomb to experience an earthquake and angel descending from heaven. The sight frightens the guards. They seize up and become “liked dead men.” But an angel appears and says to the women, “Do not be afraid.” When Jesus shows up in Matthew’s account he says to the women, “Do not be afraid.” (Matthew 28: 1-10). In Mark’s gospel the risen Lord says, “Do not be alarmed” (Mark 16:6). In Luke and John Jesus shows up with the words, “Peace be with you” (Luke 24:36, John 20:21, 29). Wherever the Risen Lord shows up, he reminds us to breathe deep peace and to live without fear.

Where Jesus is there is peace. Where Jesus is there is a voice that says, “Do not fear.” For those of us with our basic needs met, fear is a pretty good indication that we may not be aligning ourselves with that which is holy. Fear calls us away from that which is life-giving, abundant, and whole and into that dark place where we believe things are dying and resources are scarce. Living more fully into our fear we go inward, believing we are doing what is best to preserve ourselves, often without regard for the greater world around us or for God’s call for our lives.

Matthew 28 is a good case in point. While Jesus is calling to the women to be at peace and to not be afraid, those religious leaders who sought to kill Jesus the first time are falling back into their fear based traps. Those who love Jesus are learning not to live in fear, while those who are seeking to destroy Jesus just keep driving and living into it. They begin paying off people to be quiet, telling them to lie about the resurrection. They strike fear into their employees, saying that if they do not lie, the governor will be angry. Just like the first time around, everyone is afraid of Jesus and everyone is acting in fear. That is what living into fear often does, it puts us in the position of those who are trying to kill Jesus. It puts us in a position to kill the voice of Jesus within our lives.

In his book The Wounded Healer, Henri Nouwen offers the following story about a fear based decision -

One day a young fugitive, trying to hide himself from the enemy, entered a small village. The people were kind to him and offered him a place to stay. But when the soldiers who sought the fugitive asked where he was hiding, everyone became very fearful. The soldiers threatened to burn the village and kill every man in it unless the young man were handed over to them before dawn. The people went to the minister and asked him what to do. The minister, torn between handing over the boy to the enemy or having his people killed, withdrew to his room and read his Bible, hoping to find an answer before dawn. After many hours, in the early morning his eyes fell on these words: “It is better that one man dies than that the whole people be lost.”

Then the minister closed the Bible, called the soldiers and told them where the boy was hidden. After the soldiers led the fugitive away to be killed, there was a feast in the village because the minister had saved the lives of the people. But the minister did not celebrate. Overcome with a deep sense of sadness, he remained in his room. That night an angel came to him and asked, “What have you done?” He said: “I handed over the fugitive to the enemy.” Then the angel said: “But don’t you know that you have handed over the Messiah?” “How could I know?” the minister replied anxiously. Then the angel said: “If, instead of reading your Bible, you had visited this young man just once and looked into his eyes, you would have known.”*

So often our fear keeps us from seeing the risen Christ amongst us. Rather than being open with our fears and turning to God and community for help, we often turn inward believing we have the best answers to protect ourselves.

In this Easter Season may we have the courage to look outward. The courage to be in conversation and community. May we breathe deep peace. May we not be afraid. And may our eyes and ears be open to seeing the signs of the Risen Lord among us. The same Risen Lord who always breathes peace in the midst of fear and says to us, “Greetings. Do not be afraid.”

*Nouwen, Henri J. M. The Wounded Healer: Ministry in Contemporary Society. London: Darton, Longman & Todd, 1994.